A warm, long shower before going to work or tucking in for the night gives me the time to wonder and reflect on life. I had thoughts about auditioning for a musical, becoming a housewife or doing a TED talk. One reflection in particular led me to think about my grand aunt Mercedes Segismundo Benoza who in one of our rare encounters and during her last birthday on earth talked about her life during the war. My mother nudged me to ask her about it and she willingly shared some snippets from her childhood, most of which were funny. Either that or she always had a way of telling stories with sparks in her eyes and with everyone smiling or laughing at the end of each anecdote.
My grandaunt and I became friends a few months before she left us. While grieving I decided to reach out to one of her contemporaries who happened to be someone I interviewed for my undergraduate thesis on dance, and check her online footprint. She used to be superintendent in the Department of Education in Quezon City. I thought that because of this there must be something I can find.
I was led to the catalog of the National Library where her MA thesis is recorded. At the time, the Library was being renovated so I was asked to write a letter of request to the administration so I can have access to my Lola’s work. To her family, we addressed her as Bede.
I’ve always known that she’s quite the storyteller. My parents would laugh as they shared how Lola Bede’s wit captures her audience. Every conversation with her is amusing.
I was drawn to my Lola when I met her again after a long time during my brother’s wedding in 2016. I came back from a paper presentation in Boston and she knew I was working in the field of education, so we talked about what I was doing and her work in the Department back in the day. One important detail in my short-lived friendship with Lola Bede is how she looked like grandma Tala in Moana and my maternal grandmother Priscilla Benoza Gerundio-Dones.
At the time I was so enamored with Hamilton and Lin Manuel Miranda and Moana. I felt that my Austronesian heritage is unmistakable and that reading the stars in the dark of night came naturally to me.
My Lola Bede said that during the war, she and her siblings hid in a forest in Sorsogon. She recalled how they would catch shrimp in a nearby stream and grill them later in the day for dinner. She said she had this dainty little hat that she would wear as she stood atop a short tree. Her brother Orlando would call on her and ask her what she was doing but she would carry on in making cute poses, playing with her hat, and imagining she was a superstar.
Listening to her stories what it was like to live in a war-torn world. I wondered whether I would have to go through such a crisis in my lifetime. A lot of young people these days try so hard to come to terms with existential questions — what is the meaning of life? Why is the world operating this way? What truly matters?
I am uncertain whether life is starting to ease me into finding answers to such questions. I feel like we’re in a different kind of war. It’s slow and painful, nonetheless, and we see no clear resolution yet. But I also would like to think that just as Earth is showing its genius — so does humanity. More so, God is the force that sustains the universe. At a time like this when we are called to be bigger than ourselves, the Spirit of God is the voice that inspires us to carry and keep moving forward, to allow these times to bring out our best selves.
When my younger brother and I went out to get some supplies for the house yesterday — every expedition is like a scene from Bird Box in my head — I saw different people watching out for their families. Not only those who were queuing up at the drug store to get vitamins and medicines for their parents but especially those who continue to show up for work for both their families and other families who rely on them for their food and other needs.
It’s hard to understand what is going on in the world. Yesterday I asked God what lesson he would like to tell me during these times. If we did survive this crisis, what must change? How will this moment shape our mission and the why for which we live and have a place in this world?
I thank the Lord for this moment and for giving us time to still change our ways to live and love fully.
While I look forward to when all of this is over, with all of us and every one of our family members safe and well, I ask that the Lord stay with us in each of our homes and change our hearts to be more and more like his.
My hope is we all live to tell good stories to our grandchildren and make the world more livable for every human on Earth. And while we are gearing up for the long journey ahead, we take refuge in prayer and the encouragement of the people whom we so love. Perhaps add to that the temporary relief we can get from of a quick, cold shower.
